The Emotionally Unavailable Man

The emotionally unavailable man...

This seems to be my forte. I've attracted these men the past few years like nobody's business. 

What is the definition of an emotionally unavailable man?

This definition from eHow explains it perfectly:

"The term "emotionally unavailable" usually refers to those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Relationships with emotionally unavailable people are often depressing and distressing, as their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted. Emotionally unavailable people will actually seek out relationships with others, but the problems begin when they are unable to commit fully to their relationships. Because emotionally unavailable people often behave as if they want to be in a relationship, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs that a person is emotionally unavailable."

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This type of relationship sounds like loads of fun, doesn't it? Well, let me tell sucks big time to be the other person in this type of relationship. 

Here are some characteristics of someone who might be emotionally unavailable :

1) He becomes VERY uncomfortable talking about anything other than surface, weather, what you are planning to do this weekend. And, for crying out loud, DO NOT even think abut bringing up anything that has to do with the future...marriage, kids, where the relationship is headed. He will break out in a cold sweat and will immediately try to change the subject.

2) He has no problem falling off the grid. He calls or texts only when it's convenient for him. He will invite you to do something at the last minute. There is no sense of urgency in an emotionally unavailable man. Most of his actions come off as selfish...because most of the time they are.

3) He has trouble talking about past relationships or he holds on to past relationships.  Is his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife still a part of his life in an unhealthy way? Is he having problems setting boundaries with his ex? If he happens to talk about a past relationship, does it make him uncomfortable? I know especially if there are kids involved, there's going to be some type of relationship with an ex, BUT he should not be allowing his ex to say things to him such as "I love and miss you" or "I'm thinking about you."

4) He very quickly gives up in investing in the relationship when he knows you are invested. This is a big red flag...

5) He asks very little questions about you, your friends, or your family. This goes back to the selfish characteristic. Meeting the people who are closest to you means he's investing in your life. For an emotionally unavailable man this is just a big NO NO.

6) He's fickle and doesn't know what he wants, or he actually states he doesn't want to be in a relationship. Don't think you can change his mind. It's not gonna happen. This is his own way of warning you...heed the warning.

I'm not a counselor or an expert. Unfortunately, this comes from personal experience. I've been in this type of relationship a couple of times and it's not a fun place to be. 

Watch for the red flags. For the sake of your own emotional stability, don't ignore those red flags. 

And, don't think this is the best you can have, because you're wrong.  You deserve someone who will invest their emotions and time into you and your relationship. 


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