Today, I felt the pang of sadness that normally happens at some point during the holiday season. The weeks leading up to Christmas are full of parties, shopping, wrapping, etc. so I stay busy enough not to think about my single mommyness. But, as the activities slow down, that sad feeling finds a way to creep in. Anything can trigger it - pictures of other families, couples holding hands in the store...it can be any little thing.
I have a great family, but unfortunately they live 300 miles away and sometimes I just don't have the energy to travel. I have great friends too. Some of my best friends invited us to eat Christmas Dinner with them and I'm truly looking forward to it. So, when I feel down and lonely, I also feel so selfish because I truly am blessed.
Today, the sadness came in a different form. I gave Brenn an early Christmas present. Every year, I give him money so that he can buy me something for Christmas. The past two years he's wanted to wander the store by himself to look for my gift. I creep close by so that I can watch him while trying not to see what he's picked out for me. This year, I bought him a cell phone. I gave him the phone last night so that he could use it today when he went shopping for me. I knew that I could text him every 2 seconds to make sure he was ok ;) So, by this evening, he was texting at least five of his friends at the same time. Apparently he was storing up all these phone numbers until he got a cell phone because I have no idea how he knew all these numbers. As we were driving to the store, I looked back and he was busy texting away.
Immediately, that pang of sadness hit me.
He has grown up so fast. In just a blink of an eye he will be driving, graduating high school and going off to college. He has been my main focus for ten years, and in another ten years (give or take a few years) he will start a life of his own.
So, as the pang of sadness came, I thought of all the blessings God has given me through my son. I am thankful for each and every moment-good or bad.
Maybe you're feeling that pang of sadness or loneliness in your life right now. Maybe it's time to look around and take notice of your blessings.
Brenn and I wish you and your family a very Merry CHRISTmas!